how do you know if you have crossed the line?
this question remained in her as the minutes passed by. serene and peaceful is all she is if you look, but beneath it is a storm that chills her to the bone, weakens her grip of sanity and brings rain of tears to flood her soul.
she knew from the beginning that all she had was her love for that person and no more. she couldn’t also blame her him for the ordinary and plain girl she is that caused his disinterest, as she had thought. all throughout she tried her best to make him see her differently. someone who could make him feel the slightest way she feels for him. he never did, or moreover, he never could.
there was also the distance between them that could never be filled. he was one, she was another. only ill-fated stars wished her to fall for the very person who was her polar opposite. and the only thing worst than that is that she loved him so much, she wished she never did. he was her strength as well as her kryptonite. what else could happen when he was everything but everything was over, right from the very start?
outside it might never show. she hid her scars well and wore the mask as if there wasn’t any but inside, all alone, all of the feelings begin to explode. frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger, a mixture of feelings clamouring for release at the depths of her very core. she wanted to scream, but also to shut out; to smile but also to cry, for all the reasons she chose to love him to destruction.
it might have been years since it all began, but to her it was an eternity of expectating, believing and hoping. at first, she had all the excuse for the hurt and rejections, then she ignored the pain she felt, until it came to the point that she had all but let go of the single hope she could create. the notion of “what if?” still hangs and acts as the anchor that sinks her deeper into what most of us calls stupidity, and technically, insanity. all those times, she was torn between bitter pretentions and tears. she wanted to stop, her mind was ready, but her heart was nowhere to be found, shattered, broken beyond repair.
now that she had realized she way way beyond the border, left with nothing to hold on, she called and tried to compose her maimed self. recalled all bitter memories, emptied her heart out from everything but still it wasn’t enough. the question was answered but the solution was not right. she still continues to watch from afar, smiles at every mention of his name and feels the same, if not greater, for him.
she went past the point of no return. she was still trapped in that unrequited love, but somehow, somewhere, someone will bring her back, rescue her from all the pain she had caused herself. but until that day she will still endure all the hurt he did even without meaning to. there was nothing left to do but wait until that fateful it was her turn to be love in return.