Photographed & Edited by: S.S.
Photographed & Edited by: S.S.
i fear the darkness
and the sorrows, emptiness with it
the pain i feel
greater than any burden
the melancholic silence
that ties me
leaving deep marks
the fear of the unseen
that crawls deep within my skin
but what do i really fear?
the darkness that blinds me
or the mystery hiding beneath
for now i cannot answer
but i must not come any nearer
or suffer being the captive of the unseen
Photographed & Edited by: ermahgehrd
in our university, exams are answered using these bluebooks. for almost 4 years now, i have accumulated bluebooks from the many exams i’ve taken. some are great scores, some are passing, and some are failing but in the end my it’s my goal this year to burn all this bluebooks to commemorate graduating college and earning my bachelor’s degree
alone i was in the
long, silent, ominous road
muster all courage to walk through
out of the blue i heard
scratching boots on earth
taking a curious look, i saw
dagger pointed at me
examine the face behind the mask
alone i was again
dagger bloody in my hand
he was not that special the first time i met him, just your average guy. i was the one different, not really in a bad way. we were on an international exchange event in his country. i was the unique, interesting foreigner people kept looking at. i was walking alone, in midst of the crowd going to an activity. a woman whom i’ve talked before told me someone was greeting me behind. when i turned a small group of guys were awkwardly saying hello’s and hi’s. i was kinda embarrassed myself so i just politely turned and said hi back, smilingly.
few things led to another, small conversations turned to a sort of friendship i really couldn’t call one but among all the people in that event he was the most vivid person in my mind. on the last day before coming back home, i got to have a phone conversation with him that was long by social standards, more or less an hour. this might really sound boring and tedious but actually this was the first time i got to connect to an opposite sex. it left me giddy, like electric currents are constantly passing all around me. i wasn’t that amazing. we weren’t together long enough for him to see the “inner person” (personality, wit, blah, blah) in me. and i am most especially not drop dead stunning. i was also the average girl.
“one day when we meet again, i take you around my country.”
“i would love that.”
“i think by that time, you would be more beautiful and i would also be more good-looking. hahahaha..”
“hahaha…what makes you say that?”
“nothing really, but i am that confident. it’s like the culture in our country.”
“i am not that confident. hahaha..”
“don’t worry, i will give you confidence.”
at that time, i was having issues with myself. i had some self-esteem problems from all the high school dramas you usually get. it felt awful, i felt so low. it doesn’t really show because i wouldn’t want to add fuel to an already burning pyre. i pushed myself to do things but not really enjoying them because i was too focused on getting somewhere, to reassure myself that something is out there for me. i was searching for that thing that can fill the huge hole of insecurities, doubts and loneliness. that is until he said the magic words.
the way he said those seven words was the wake up call i did not expect. a guy i just met thinks i am more than i seem to be. i guy i never talked to days before thinks that i am something more. if he can see a spark through wireless phones, why can’t i see anything when i have been looking at myself longer than anyone else? i began to realize that all those insecurities were baseless and if ever someone thought of them to be true, who are they to judge? i can be better than those subjective criticisms. he was telling me in very few words that i should have been looking further back in the mirror to fully see what’s in front of me. i started to push harder in the things i did, not because of pressure to receive my laurels but because i want to. i enjoyed my studies and interests better because i wasn’t filled with pretenses, constantly watching over my shoulder and scared to make mistakes. it was his candid way of telling me that i am full of possibilities. everyone is a possibility waiting to happen.
to end this short tale, i would really, really like to write about us falling in love and becoming the lovey-dovey couple to make it more amazing, but that never was. we became friends and wrote back and forth about random things. there might have been something but i guess i wasn’t that strong. nevertheless, the morale of the story is that being confident isn’t something you keep to yourself. a positive confidence could radiate and work some magic in people who feel down and insecure. so don’t just keep all that good stuff with you! pass out those good vibes.
in my head i am running along the grasses
not giving a care for any passes
i swoop down the green, green meadow
and find my hiding fellow
we hop along the buttercups
while chasing around our little pups
laughing, squealing with tinkling glee
like all the young children should be
but that is only in my creative mind
for inside i cannot find
the strength to go outside and play
in this hospital bed i stay
all i have are books, papers and a pen
with these bare things i open
the world so far i cannot go
but no worry for you, i am happy even so