Summer Breeze in Fall

Weekly Writing Challenge: Traces

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In the cold autumn breeze, he pulls his coat together. The cloth barely covers him from the external chill and deep inside the ice spreads. That day was the exact opposite of the present. He continues his walk against the cobblestone path, not thinking of anything in particular. The blank thoughts weren’t signs of uneventful strides but clear effort to block out the happenings of that day. Blank. Blank. Blank. Summer. Sea. Sunshine.

It was one of the most beautiful days. One of those rare occasions when the sun shines through the sullen, little town of theirs. They took the chance to make the most of their weekend. She made some easy sandwiches, packed several other snacks and a jug of cold lemonade, even if the day wasn’t that hot. It was just for the sake of the pseudo-summer they have that day. He took the keys to their trusty truck and made that twenty-minute ride to the coasts.

Thankfully, they were the only ones who have thought of going to the sea. Thinking back, it should have been a tell-tale sign. They took the emptiness of the beach as an invitation to have their sudden escape in an imagined private resort. She changed into her bright pink bikini, with a thin shawl over. She was happily running along the sand, playing catch with the waves. He was sitting down the blanket, smiling contently over the picture perfect scene playing along. She invited him to come over and teased him when he turned her down. In the end, both of them were running along in circles and in a bubble of their own glee.

It was her idea that they take photo on that cliff nearby. To commemorate this wonderful day of momentary sunshine. He got the camera and tripod from the truck and off they go, up, up the rocks. They posed like all the typical couple do, arms around each other smiling at the camera, against the bright lights of glittering sea. And just as the camera flashed, she kissed him on the cheeks. He was taken by surprise, but was very glad, anyways. She laughed at her sudden boldness and he kissed her, this time on the lips. When they broke apart, smiling at each other, a breeze blew and took with it her shawl. He bravely ran after the thin cloth, narrowly missing it thrice before finally catching it quite a good distance away from her. When he turned back, smiling again, she was gone. His fingers relieved it grasp around the techni-colored linen and off it went, up, up the sky.

He finally reached the old block of marble, dusted with loose grains of earth and some sand. He took off this black, overused hat. The cold breeze blew on his gray hairs. He brought with him lavender wreaths, the one she particularly likes. He sat down on blanket he brought with him and smiled sadly at the picture perfect scene he is in. He was talked about nothing in particular, just mentioning a few happenings recently. He also took with him a book he read aloud sometimes. Without notice, a strong, warmer wind arrived, making him close his eyes. When he open them, a tattered but still recognizable techni-colored shawl was casually draped on the tombstone. Tears rolled down his aged face, while he said, “Always.”

45 Minutes

Riding that 45-minute flight back to Davao was one of the longest wait in my life. I sat restless and jittery, wanting to make time pass faster, to make the plane reach our destination. When I finally went out of the airport’s local arrival gates, I almost broke into a run to my father’s embrace. I was finally home.

It was summer before my junior year in high school. I was going to this summer camp in Tarlac for almost two weeks. I was burst of energy, when I knew I would be one of the participants. I listed the things I would bring, harassed my parents into accompanying me to the mall and imagined all the new things I would be experience. I counted off days to the D-day of my sixteen year old self.

With all the happiness going on, life just wants to get even. One early morning, I woke up to the voice of my ate calling all of us to my brother’s room. He wasn’t waking up. My kuya lies on his bed, looking bluish. He was so still, I couldn’t even notice him breathing. They rushed him to the hospital while I sat alone at home. The phone rang and my father asked for my aunt living next door. When my aunt picked up the phone, she burst into tears.

My parents still asked me to go to my summer camp, telling me my brother would have wanted that and constantly reminding me to be careful out there. They told me this while sitting in front of my kuya’s casket with tears in their eyes. At camp, I was an awkward person. It wasn’t as marvelous as I thought it would be. I didn’t even make friends, just mere acquaintances. I slept alone in my tent and crossed off the hours until my flight back to Davao. When my family called me, I wanted to transform into waves that can travel across the wireless connection between us. I have missed them this much.

As I sat down in our car, going through the familiar route to our house, I was nostalgic. I shared stories that sounded better that they really were. I smiled more in that car ride compared to the past weeks. It was one of the best summer experiences. Sitting in the back passenger seat covered in synthetic leather, surrounded by my parents and sisters, I felt I was finally home

Last Glimpse of an Angel 120407

angels

just seeing his face
makes me want to stay
it’s my last solace
for love i can’t say

fate has pitied me
death loomed over me
waiting silently
so he can take me

but angel passed by
looked at me and smiled
death also came by
and the church bells chimed

regrets flooded in
so thus happiness
mixed feelings within
with touch of sadness

people cried for me
i would never know
they were beside me
if life still run so

he was sitting there
with eyes so cold
sorrow with each stare
grim a thousandfold

the last glimpse of him
full of grief and pain
it takes over him
makes him cry in vain

i’m saddened by this
but i cannot stay
i gave my last kiss
and words i can’t say

“My angel, i love you and i always will.
i may not be here but somehow, someday,
my love will find a way.”

SHE

Photo1711

how do you know if you have crossed the line?

this question remained in her as the minutes passed by. serene and peaceful is all she is if you look, but beneath it is a  storm that chills her to the bone, weakens her grip of sanity and brings rain of tears to flood her soul.

she knew from the beginning that all she had was her love for that person and no more. she couldn’t also blame her him for the ordinary and plain girl she is that caused his disinterest, as she had thought. all throughout she tried her best to make him see her differently. someone who could make him feel the slightest way she feels for him. he never did, or moreover, he never could.

there was also the distance between them that could never be filled. he was one, she was another. only ill-fated stars wished her to fall for the very person who was her polar opposite. and the only thing worst than that is that she loved him so much, she wished she never did. he was her  strength as well as her kryptonite. what else could happen when he was everything but everything was over, right from the very start?

outside it might never show. she hid her scars well and wore the mask as if there wasn’t any but  inside, all alone, all of the feelings begin to explode. frustration, sadness, loneliness, anger, a mixture of feelings clamouring for release at the depths of her very core. she wanted to scream, but also to shut out; to smile but also to cry, for all the reasons she chose to love him to destruction.

it might have been years since it all began, but to her it was an eternity of expectating, believing and hoping. at first, she had all the excuse for the hurt and rejections, then she ignored the pain she felt, until it came to the point that she had all but let go of the single hope she could create. the notion of  “what if?” still hangs and acts as the anchor that sinks her deeper into what most of us calls stupidity, and technically, insanity. all those times, she was torn between bitter pretentions and tears. she wanted to stop, her mind was ready, but her heart was nowhere to be found, shattered, broken beyond repair.

now that she had realized she way way beyond the border, left with nothing to hold on, she called and tried to compose her maimed self. recalled all bitter memories, emptied her heart out from everything but still it wasn’t enough. the question was answered but the solution was not right. she still continues to watch from afar, smiles at every mention of his name and feels the same, if not greater, for him.

she went past the point of no return. she was still trapped in that unrequited love, but somehow, somewhere, someone will bring her back, rescue her from all the pain she had caused herself. but until that day she will still endure all the hurt he did even without meaning to. there was nothing left to do but wait until that fateful it was her turn to be love in return.